The tendril festooned fellow in the clip above is named Paul the Octopus, a fine looking creature as I'm sure you'll agree. Paul is aged four and has oracular powers. He predicts the results of Germany's football matches by choosing a particular box labelled with one of the competing countries' flags, tempted by a tasty mussel therein. He is presently resident in Sea Life Oberhausen, Germany but was - he wrote adopting a confidential tone - born in England. To get straight to the point as regards Paul's predictions - he started in 2008 and has so far only got one result wrong.
Opponent Tournament Stage Paul's prediction Result
Poland Euro 2008 group Germany 2-0 Correct
Croatia Euro 2008 group Croatia 1-2 Correct
Austria Euro 2008 group Germany 1-0 Correct
Portugal Euro 2008 quarter-finals Germany 3-2 Correct
Turkey Euro 2008 semi-finals Germany 3-2 Correct
Spain Euro 2008 final Germany 1-0 Wrong! (uniquely)
Australia World Cup 2010 group Germany 4-0 Correct
Serbia World Cup 2010 group Serbia 0-1 Correct
Ghana World Cup 2010 group Germany 1-0 Correct
England World Cup 2010 round of 16 Germany 4-1 Correct
Argentina World Cup 2010 quarter-finals Germany 4-0 Correct
Spain World Cup 2010 semi-finals Spain 0-1 Correct
I repeat - he's only got one wrong so far! Now the poor fellow is getting death threats! In particular Argentine fans, having the hump at losing 4-0 as forseen by Paul, have threatened to eat him. But security is tight and they have no chance. Germany were plainly doomed last night when Paul failed to pick them against Spain. Hat Tip to Mimi for this nonsense. And for those of you who should get out more - and not on cycles - here is an aerial map of the route of shame for the Schonrock children from home to school.