Saturday, 29 September 2012

so what does a rhino sound like anyway? Plus Christine ...

Apropos of nothing in particular, but to get back in the swing of things, I have to report that people are constantly asking me, 'Tell me O rabbit, what does a rhino sound like?' As a part of the continued educational mission of White Rabbit, the rabbit is pleased to make all clear. Wasn't what you were expecting huh? Imagined them as gruffer? Well there ya go.

The rabbit is pleased to report that his old friend Christine O'Donnell still keeps in touch and writes regularly. She always ends her e-mails with 'God bless', which is sweet. Christine never seems to have any money as - strictly between you and me - she keeps asking for some. This is a little embarrassing and I wonder whether to have a word. Unfortunately, naughty Christine seems to have given my e-mail address to her friends. None of them seem to have any money either and they keep asking the rabbit for money too. One of them is called Josh Mandel and keeps writing to the rabbit banging on about what a good job he made of running the finances of some god forsaken place or the other. Now I couldn't give a stuff about this but, just to be polite and make conversation, I e-mailed back asking 'I wonder if by any chance you are related to the late Belgian Marxist Ernest Mandel.
No reply. How rude!
Much better manners were shown by another of Christine's friends, a person named Dean Heller. He is running for something or the other and takes a very dim view of something called 'Obamacare'. He wrote to the rabbit whose curiosity was aroused. A reply flew out of the rabbit hutch.
'Most informative I'm sure. I was just wondering if Dean is an academic or an ecclesiastical title'.
What a pleasant surprise to receive a reply.
'No, "Dean" is Dean Heller's first name.

Thank you,

Team Heller'
The 'Thank you' is a particularly nice touch. They are very welcome, I'm sure. This just goes to show that good manners cost nothing.
The last straw is that the Romney person has written asked for money. Apart from being (it has to be said) a Grade A twat, it is a truth universally acknowledged that he is obscenely rich. If Christine has given him my e-mail address I shall be very cross notwithstanding our friendship. I have written to the Romney person (I only addressed him as 'Mitt' as he wrote to me as 'Andrew' and it seemed only polite) ...

Haven't you got enough money of your own?
No reply so far ...


Wednesday, 26 September 2012

Return of Knob of the Week

This is essentially for overseas readers as there cannot be a UK based reader who is unaware of Andrew 'Thrasher' Mitchell MP, government chief whip and pottymouther in chief. Thrasher as he is commonly known has caused a huge stir while riding his bicycle around Downing Street, presumably after conducting some very important government business. Now a rabbit confession - everyone should hold at least one unlikely - politically incorrect even - view to avoid being boring and predictable. The rabbit's is a deeply rooted aversion to cyclists as rehearsed here in an early White Rabbit posting.

Thrasher has done nothing to mitigate the rabbit aversion. Thrasher pitched up at the gates at the end of Downing Street complete with bike and demanded that armed police guarding the gates open them to let him through. The police told him to go through the side gate.

Does Thrasher do anything of the sort? Nope. He goes into one. There is a dispute as to what happened next but it is common ground that Thrasher started swearing. A police report seen by the Sun 'newspaper' has Thrasher saying to the startled constabulary  'Best you learn your fucking place. You don't run this fucking government. You're fucking plebs' The Sun also reported a witness as saying that Mitchell had described police as 'morons'.

How rude!

Mitchell admits saying 'fucking' but says he was using the word 'adjectivally' (strictly it's a gerund) and wasn't directing it at police.

Of course not.

The really bad four letter word in the context is pleb.The newspaper also reported a witness as saying that Mitchell had described police as "morons".The last thing the Conservative government wants is the odour of social contempt and Flashman like behaviour attached to it to grow stronger and Thrashman is - among other things, not all of them printable - a former public schoolboy and a millionaire. Directing social contempt at the police is particularly - to use an overworked word - toxic.

Thrashman denies having said 'plebs'. Of course everyone believes him. Not. Now if he didn't say the 'p' word then the police have dishonestly invented an allegation in their official report. This wouldn't be the first time but doing so in relation to a government bigwig is a bold move by the constabulary. Verballing a nobody in say Tottenham is one thing but doing the same to the government chief whip is another. No doubt 'Dave' Cameron - a prime minister - totally wishes the topic would go away.

But it won't. The story runs and even expands into further examples of Thrashman's odiousness - follow the link and read a series of goodies including Thrashman as wasp murderer.

Accordingly, it is the rabbit's pleasure to revive  a venerable tradition and nominate Andrew Mitchell as Knob of the Week.

Mind you, there seems to be a positive outbreak of borderline psychotic behaviour by Conservative politicians. The above mound of blubber is named Brian Coleman - a local government politician of no distinction whatsoever. He was London Assembly member between 2000 and 2012 when he mercifully lost his seat. It is reported that his re-election in 2008 was followed by  a bizarre acceptance speech at the count in which he announced that 'the king of bling is back' before storming out, accompanied by his mother. Ermmm ... His period at the Greater London Assembly was mostly 'distinguished' by huge expenses claims for taxis (he was the only GLA member to refuse to publish their expenses voluntarily). He is presently in trouble for refusing to apologise to a constituent he called a Blackshirt. Other previous Coleman gems have been calling two people 'old hags' at a council meeting and attacking a cafe owner for photographing him parking in a loading bay.

There has been in the entirety of recorded history been only one award of Deputy Knob of the Week. Mr Coleman ... Consider yourself the second.