bonkers conspiracy theories and the joker

I've been in two minds about whether to blog about this for a while. It's mostly about the bonkers conspiracy theory doing the rounds that Obama is inegible to be President of the United States because he was in fact born in Kenya and not Hawaii and is therefore ineligible by virtue of provision in the United States constitution that "no person except a natural born citizen... shall be eligible to the office of President". What a natural born citizen is gets a bit complicated but includes McCain (who was born in Panama) but apparently would exclude Obama if he was born in Kenya as opposed to Hawaii. For the benefit of those of you who have been asleep for several weeks as the thing gained traction, the conspiracy theorists are called 'birthers'.

Now this is nutcase central and there is no point in reciting the arguments why it is obvious that Obama was born in Hawaii and not in Kenya save to say that if he was not born in Hawaii then the Health Diirector of the State of Hawaii is in on the fiendish conspiracy by authenticating the electronic copy (records were digitised some time ago) by reference to what must be a forged paper birth certificate and the Obama parents showed remarkable precisience in putting utterly phoney birth announcements in the local press to skank around the US constitution so that their son could become President on a false prospectus. Sneaky stuff or what? But conspiracy theorists treat all material adduced in refutation of the conspiracy theory as further proof of the evil conspiracy. the more cogent the material in refutation, the more fiendish and thorough going the conspiracy.

Amusingly, the birth certificate was originally produced to address blog rumours that Obama's middle name was - guess what? - Mohammed! I can only declare my surprise that his middle name was not rumoured to be Satan (more of this later).

Bizarrely - a Kenyan birth certificate duly appeared for our man - headed the then (at his date of birth) nonexistent 'Republic of Kenya' - whoops! Memo to forgers: do your research!

The US Republican Party appears to be running scared of the 'birthers' to the extent that it is not joining in the lunacy. What is the matter with these people? You don't have to be infatuated with Obama - which I am not - to see the birther thing as drivel. At least Obama is not Bush (good), has reduced the Israel lobby to spittle flecked apoplexy (also good) and has produced a lot of okayish mood music but I am still deeply scarred by (I confess blushing) being very pleased when war criminal Tony B. Liar was elected in 1997. I reserve judgement until it becomes clear beyond peradventure that Obama is not an American Blair.Other bonkers conspiracy theories to be mentioned are 'Obama is a secret Muslim', my personal fave 'Obama is the Antichrist' and Obama is an Indonesian citizen called Barry something-or-the-other (I think at this point I declare conspiracy theory fatigue).

One question that puzzles me is this: what does the constitutional provision that Obama is supposedly President in breach of add to anything? It seems to contravene the principle that citizens of a republic are equals. In Orwellian terms, it seems that some citizens are more equal than others. Why not just get rid of it? Problem solved.

While not approaching the level of lunacy of the above, posters of Obama as The Joker with the word 'socialism' - a shock horror word in the States - have mysteriously appeared in the Los Angeles area. It put me in mind of the Steve Miller song of the same name. Here ya go...

Stoke-on-Trent and Transylvania

I've posted before about Stoke but I looked at my diary for tomorrow and saw they're sending me to Stoke. For some bizarre reason (I don't know what came over me) I found myself googling 'Stoke is a dump'. I found a BBC message board headed 'Is Stoke a dump?'. I reproduce some of the comments...

"Sorry if you will found some grammatical mistake (English is not my first language.I rent flat on busy road. But what I see every weekend-just horrified me. Our youth (teen aged 13-16) they do drink a lot. They are quite but i think they do s.th. Else, may be drug/sex whatever. And I am interesting in WHO sold them an alcohol? And they always do these on dirty back “yard". Can you imaging what might happen to them in few years? I think our social service and its workers and system in general is too soft. Then the girls of 14-15 have children, and they children will do the same things. It is the life law. And I am badly surprised on TV you can see films about "poor" people who behave as I described abow, and majority accept it as normal. That’s mean they will never change. Isn’t it sad? It is "Trisha Show" on street. And what is most sad, the kids are not interesting of anything. I am sure it is because they parents (+40) live with girl/boyfriends, has no proper family. Nobody care.Thank you. Hope this letter will help to create positive solution. Bye."

Erm, quite so...

"Filth, Scuzzers, Slappers, and more Filth. The most horrible place I have ever been. Why don't the unemployed, wan'a'bee rappers (Hood of jacket over Baseball cap????????????????. What is that all about!!!) SCUM that hang around the Mcdonalds & and Argo's and the bus station, GROW UP, get a job and generally f-OFF!!! You social parasites. People, you are living out an insane, pointless, and pitiful existence. Do us all a favour, crawl away under a rock somewhere and DIE!!! ps Bentilee is infested with chav filth why can't the council send an exterminator out,(would pay extra taxes for that service!)"

So you don't like it much???

But Stoke has its supporters...

"Hey Up i Tink sum ov u peepz dissin stoke shud take anova look dere is worse places u can live n them ew r from stoke dissin it should be ashamed ov dem sens if u dont like it y dont they move sum were else like outta stoke okay so peepz call it stokie Broke on Trent hah but stokies can lafe bowt it but at de end ov de day its were i was born n i a stokie born n bread n prowd xxx big up all u stokies"

And yes, it is true, the people are friendly. The great debate continues.

It also emerges that Madonna dropped a brick while in concert in Spain by confusing Andalucia (Spain for the geographically challenged - that means YOU Madge) with Transylvania (Romania) Hmmm ...

John Dawson

The rabbit was sad to read of the death last Wednesday of John Dawson (right in pic above), formerly of wonderful 70s stoned cowboy impersonators New Riders of the Purple Sage. Their style was generally described as psychedelic country rock - which I suppose is as good a description as any. They began as a Grateful Dead offshoot but secured an independent life fairly briskly. Their appearance as in pic above shows what drugs can do to you ;) Dawson had retired from the music business, become a teacher of English and died of stomach cancer in Mexico aged 64. Their best album was in my opinion Gypsy Cowboy. I borrowed a phrase from the title track as working title of my first - and mercifully unpublished - novel until the title was changed at the suggestion of my then agent to - erm - White Rabbit. But Panama Red is probably their best known album and song. Have a listen. It's a hoot!

After 75 years and some bad behaviour...

'Nuff said...

:D

How's this for bad behaviour? A scrap metal dealer called Martin Parry was spotted by the Old Bill using his mobile while driving. He tried to escape by driving his 3 ton vehicle on top of the pursuing police BMW with understandably alarmed police officer inside. The windscreen unsurprisingly cracked and the roof caved in. This was after a two mile chase. Into reverse...

CRUNCH!!!

So instead of collecting some minor penalty for using the mobile while driving Martin Parry copped six years.

Daft bugger.

Hat Tip to Nourishing Obscurity.

I've got to dash...

...so no time for anything of any length but I loved this Steve Bell cartoon from yesterday so much I had to post it.

FIRST PRESIDENT OF EUROPE
WAR CRIMINAL AT LARGE

In-deeeeeeeeeeeeeed.

Hail to the -erm - chief.

I pause very briefly to add that Henry Blofeld - I pause further for a 'we are not worthy' - is in trouble for Twittering. He twittered that Test Match Special's assistant producer Shilpa Patel was 'divine in white, a cross between Mrs Gabriel, the wife of the Archangel and Cleopatra'.

Less than impressed, Ms Patel announced 'I'll kill him!'

Ms Patel's hubby.

Bastille Day Competition

Today being Bastille Day, what better excuse to post the best National Anthem in the world - The Marseillaise? Most National Anthems are excruciating, bombastic drivel but this is different - pure quality. Incredibly violent too - just follow the words.

Anyone any suggestions for worst National Anthem? Excluding God Save the Queen, which is disqualified on the grounds that it is too obvious a candidate given its general dreadfulness. In an exercise in controlled masochism, I'll put up the winning nomination..

Guess who got sacked?

A quick recap for the uninitiated: Hazel Blears is a hideous dwarf who first Blair and then Brown kept in the Cabinet as Minister for No-one Can Remember What. Blears managed to neglect to pay tax on some property she had made a killing on via public funds. Brown pronounced himself unimpressed and Blears behaviour 'totally unacceptable'. Blears 'voluntarily' paid the £13,000 in tax some nasty people had been suggesting she ought to have paid in the first place. She made a big display of wagging the cheque in front of the cameras (see above). Blears was NOT sacked but resigned as part of an attempted Blairite coup against Brown on the eve of Euro/local elections. her timing pissing off the three remaining grassroots Labour members.

So far so grubby and uninteresting.

Enter Lisa Greenwood, a very junior civil servant, who sent an e-mail from her work computer to Ms Blears's website saying MPs had "swindled taxpayers".
The e-mail contained her work address at the Department for Children, Schools and Families (don't government departments have stupid names these days?)Miss Greenwood contacted the minister via a link on a website called - erm - theyworkforyou.com. She wrote to 'I was appalled to see you on national television this morning waving a cheque around as if it was going to make everything OK. You are not sorry at all. (Only sorry that you have been caught.) You are a disgrace. Why haven't you been arrested and why have you not been sacked? Not that my comments will have any impact. I doubt you will even read this'.

Lisa Greenwood was understandably pissed off that the money Blears had trousered until caught out was only £3,000 less than she made as an annual salary. Initially she had tried to send the comment via her personal hotmail account but for some reason she couldn't send it that way. So she sent the e-mail via her work address.

Result - she has been fired for breaching civil service impartiality rules. Blears wasn't sacked - but for this infraction the unfortunate Lisa Greenwood was.

Two questions arise: firstly, why such an extreme penalty exacted for what on any sensible view ought to be viewed as a minor infraction at worst? It just looks plain vindictive. Secondly, how did the use of the work e-mail address come to the attention of the Department for Whatever-it-is-called. Has she been fingered and if so by whom? But there is a mystery here. Theyworkforyou have pointed out that it would never have revealed who the person posting the comment was, and moreover that that comment has never appeared on theyworkforyou. This seems to be accurate. So if this is right, how did the Department for Whatever-it-is -called know about the heinous comment? Do they spend huge amounts of time checking on theoir own staff e-mails? It would be interesting to know. The rabbit is contemplating an enquiry to this effect under the Freedom of Information Act.

On a more cheerful note, what drama to end the First Test! Two points: though I don't knock 20/20 cricket - it's hugely entertaining - it could never produce drama such as that laid out in the last hour or so as Anderson and Monty defied all logic and expectation. Like the Alamo except more so. Secondly, how typically English - to produce a sort of triumph out of a complete shambles. Makes you proud (sort of)...

Gary McKinnon and extradition

The pic above is of Gary McKinnon, also known as Solo. He is a Scottish hacker and has been diagnosed as suffering from Aspergers Syndrome (by no less distinguished a person than Professor Simon Baron-Cohen (cousin of Brüno or whatever he is called in real life). Gary McKinnon - I suppose I have to say allegedly although there doesn't seem any dispute over what he did - hacked into 97 US military and NASA computers. He is evidently very good at this sort of thing. To get an idea of where he is coming from it is necessary to understand why he was applying himself so diligently to this hacking - he wanted to prove the existence of UFOs, antigravity technology and "the suppression of 'free energy'" (no I've never heard of this either - it's apparently some sort of conspiracy theory).

You get the flavour of the guy - The US government however, its dignity thus affronted, wants to extradite him as some sort of cyber terrorist. He was originally arrested in the UK under the Computer Misuse Act. The CPS declined to prosecute. The US government then went for extradition. The story is really how supine the British Government is in face of the US demands for his extradition. Under British hacking laws - and he contends that the oiffences were committed here - he could face up to 5 years in prison. The Americans want to make an example of him and he could receive a sentence in the US if extradited measured in decades.

And the response of British Home Secretaries? John Reid: approved the extradition with unsurprising alacrity. Jacqui Smith (if you'll pardon the expression) waved the extradition through without even seeking any guarantees as regards bail or return to the UK to complete his sentence. Alan Johnson reprises the Pontius Pilate gig, announcing that his hands are tied. Ther is a more general problem here. And there is a general problem as regards the Anglo-American Extradition Treaty. It is cock eyed in that there is not equality as regards safeguards. The issue of inequality as regards US/UK extradition came up before with what came to be known as the 'NatWest Three' (he typed struggling to work up any sympathy for bankers).

The problem goes broadly like this: The effect of the US/UK extradition treaty is that that UK citizens have fewer rights to due process of law than do American citizens. It centres around provisions in the treaty that require Britain to surrender its citizens on American request without the Americans providing a jot of evidence that they are guilty of anything. The treaty is not reciprocal. The UK must provide evidence of guilt before an American can be removed under the treaty.

What collection of snivelling sycophants agreed to such an unequal and fundamentally unfair treaty? New Fucking Labour, that's who! There have been Parliamentary challenges to the treaty. They have come to nothing. In the particular case of Gary McKinnon, the courts (including Europe) have been to no avail so far. Further comment seems superfluous. Perhaps it's time for us to declare independence and start by telling the US where they can put their extradition treaty.

Australia 649/5 at time of writing, Cruel and unusual punishment.

Suddenly there's a lot of it about

Following yesterday's pic from Iran, here's an elderly woman on crutches confronting Chinese troops in the ethnic disturbances in Xinjiang province. Damn - she's got guts.

More frivolously, Unique Stephen seems to be getting excited in Sydney - otherwise noted for its Harbour, Bridge, Opera House and bonkers Archbishop - exclaiming 'Boonie Boonie Boonie' in a comment on my last post. This is quite normal for an Australian and need not cause alarm. Continuing my educational campaign for the cricketingly challenged 'Boonie' was an Australian cricketer noted for two things: his alarming moustache (see left) and his drinking talents.

Our man holds the record for consuming cans of beer on a flight from Sydney to London, namely 52 in 1989. This broke the previous record held by Rodney Marsh (45) except there is an argument as to whether Marsh actually finished can 45 and he may only have equalled the previous record held by Doug Walters. I'm very glad I wasn't sitting next to the beer monster at the time given that he once honked all over the pitch at the Adelaide Oval in a WSC game. He went on to score 122 and win the Man of the Match award which shows the power of positive vomiting. He could bat a bit but that's beside the point.

Ever vigilant in the cause of freedom of speech, some particularly insidious censorship has come to the rabbit's attention and needs exposing for what it - erm - is! Twitter has banned Mrs Slocombe's Pussy (see below) from its hash tag tweet list - whatever that is. As is only right and proper, at one point 'Mrs Slocombe's Pussy' overtook Michael Jackson and Iran elections as the most used Twitter phrase. The Nazis at Twitter having done their worst, hash tagging 'Mrs Slocombe's Pussy' now apparently produces 'no results'. Twitter is run by Americans and one explanation is that Americans don't get it and think - perish the thought - that there's something rude going on here. Tsk! A dirty mind is a perpetual feast! Shame on you! Have some more...

Excellent stuff from Iran

Hat Tip to Natasha Phillips via Charon QC

And with the Ashes upcoming, here is a helpful explanation for the cricketingly challenged.

Belated 4th July greetings...

By tradition going all the way back to - well - last year, the rabbit sends 4th July greetings to his American readers. By tradition, the greetings are a day late. Last year I posted Brad Neely's Washington and Bruce's Darlington County -http://ohdearohdearishallbelate.blogspot.com/2008/07/4th-july.html - This year a story - American readers will have to bear me if this is well trodden ground for them - the story is hardly known over here. The snake - rattlesnake to be accurate - thing begins with Benjamin Franklin and a political cartoon made as a woodcut during the French and Indian war featuring a snake chopped into eight bits. The snake represented eight colonies with New England as the head and South Carolina as the tip of the tail in order as per the east coast. the slogan was 'join (later unite) or die'.

The snake began to become a symbol for the colonies as independence grew closer. The United States navy was established in 1775 and set about recruiting Marines to help intercept British ships bringing military supplies. The first Marines (from Philadelphia) they carried drums painted yellow, depicting a coiled rattlesnake with thirteen rattles and the motto 'don't tread on me'. The flag above is called the Gadsden Flag after a Colonel Gadsden of South Carolina who presented the yellow rattlesnake flag to the Commander of the US Navy and to the South Carolina Legislature. The flag is still sort of in use and associated with the US Marines. It is also associated sometimes with right wing extremism, which is a pity as it is a fun flag and a fun story.

Okay, here are the elderly gents with Uncle John's Band, including the lines...

'Goddamn, well I declare, have you seen the like? Their walls are built of cannonballs, their motto is don't tread on me...'



Ending on a distinctly non-American topic, the rabbit is counting the days down to resumption of the greatest - as well as one of the most historic - sporting conflicts in the entire history of everything. Come on you Aussie bastards - BRING IT ONNNNN!!!!!!

Planet Bonkers and Mrs Slocombe's Pussy

The image is of course The Tyger by well-known top bloke Wild Bill Blake. While on the subject of tigers, the rabbit was distraught to read the following headline - 'Pet tigers told of Jackson death'. Evidently Michael Jackson - for it is he - owned two tigers called Thriller and Sabu but they were adopted by Tippi Hedren who has some sort of animal sanctuary.

Our heroine has had a chat with the tigers. 'I went up and sat with them and let them know that Michael was gone' she helpfully explained.

She hoped they understood. Then she (surprise, surprise) asked for donations.

Planet fucking bonkers...

While on the subject of cats, the rabbit was sad to read of the death of actor Molie Sugden. Her most famous role was of course Mrs Slocombe in Are You Being Served? Mrs Slocombe was of course devoted to her pussy. Who, I ask anxiously, will look after her pussy now Mrs Slocombe is no longer with us? Perhaps give it regular strokes...

I'm taking my cue from Tippi Hedren and am inviting donations. Cheques should be made out to me personally and should be in substantial sums.

Thanking you all in anticipation

Didn't know this...

...but today is Canada Day.

Apparently.

Hat Tip to Savannah for pic, pinched from her blog. While on the subject of pinching things, I helped myself to this from Jailhouse Lawyer. He seems to be suggesting it is something to do with Michael Jackson. Tsk. Such poor taste.

banned video, twentytwelve, Glastonbury and a snake

The New Young Conservatives
Uploaded by DontPanicOnline. - News videos hot off the press.

A strange story has come to my attention. The online magazine Don't Panic is in a spot of bother with Conservative Future - a rebranded version of the Young Conservatives - over this videoclip. London Conservative Future has managed to get the above clip taken down on YouTube after claiming copyright. Not liking that sort of censorship under the guise of copyright - can't these people take a joke? - here it is...

Young people these days. Tut...

My profile includes an exhortation to WR readers to buy my novel twentytwelve in a desperate bid to get its amazon.co.uk rating below half a million. No-one took any notice at all and the amazon rating drifted down and down to over 1.1 million. Imagine my surprise when checking for the first time in ages yesterday to see an amazon rating for twentytwelve of a mere 110,000, Before I got too excited, I reminded myself that this probably simply meant that someone had bought a copy. There are two things amazon will not explain: how many copies of anything they sell and what their ratings mean. Ratings can whizz up and down in bizarre patterns and small sales can cause huge shifts in ratings. I occasionally think whimsically that everyone who has vaguely thought of buying twentytwelve when they get around to it should form some sort of virtual flash mob and order it at the same time. The rating would (briefly) go stellar! I can dream...

I caught Neil Young at Glastonbury on TV on Friday night. It must be said that the elderly gent was on stonkingly good form. What particularly amused me was that at one point he was performing with one sleeve of his jacket having arm inserted and one sleeve flapping loose. He doesn't care. He's not called the godfather of grunge for nothing. On Saturday, I moved out of London flat with the aid of the Polish removal guys (see WR 12 Feb for Polish removal guys and background). I'd got the flat at the end of 2008 and it came to represent everything that pissed me off. I don't like living on my own, it cost far too much for somewhere I didn't spend much time in because now pretty much all my work is in the Midlands and not in London and the flat was nothing special for something so expensive. So I invoked the break clause in the tenancy agreement and the present deal is that I should be moving into a flat in Birmingham to share with a colleague in the not too distant future until - well - something else happens. In the meantime, I'm of no fixed abode again but hopefully for no more than a couple of weeks.

I celebrated being of no fixed abode by going to a very fine - and not too expensive Indian restaurant in Brockley - South East London for the uninitiated - and much to my annoyance missed Bruce at Glastonbury on TV due to the very short gap between returning from restaurant and retiring to share a room with a snake. It was okay - the snake doesn't do much. Apparently all it does is eat one large or two small mice a fortnight and then sleeps the meal off (it swallows them whole) and sheds its skin once a month. Personally, I would prefer a more active pet.

Having mentioned Neil Young, here is the elderly gent (when hugely younger) with The Band and Helpless. I do like the line 'blue, blue windows behind the stars...'

A hectic weekend coming up...

...in which the rabbit moves out of his London hutch (too expensive, don't particularly like it, only there at weekends mostly, break clause time) without quite having sorted flat in Brum yet (spend all the working week there and thereabouts now). It should be interesting...

In the meantime, here are some pics by some wags who tweak World War II posters for the era of blogworld.

Good stuff from Germany...

Remind you of nearer home?

Iraq 'Inquiry' farce plus don't tase me dude Nottingham style

Brown being on the ropes, an Iraq inquiry was promised to his irate backbenchers. Let it never be said that Brown is not a man of his word because we lucky punters have got one!!! Except...

It's in private! Oh - and guess what? It will report after the next election.

Why am I not surprised?

The starting point is to look at the composition of the 'inquiry'. The head honcho is a Sir (it seems you have to be at least a knight to get in on the act) John Chilcot. It is considered unlikely that our man will kick over the traces. A retired civil servant, he doesn't do that...

Next we have Sir Lawrence Freedman. Apparently he promoted the theory of 'liberal interventionism' to Blair who took the theory to heart and - erm - invaded Iraq. Reassuring to have one of the numpties who dreamed up the template for the Iraq cockup in the first place sitting in judgement on it.

And then Sir Martin Gilbert who is even older than Sir John Thingy and once compared Bush (as in the idiot son) and Blair to Roosevelt and Churchill. Don't hold your breath waiting for stinging criticism from this one.

Finally we have Baroness Usha Prasha and Sir Roderic Lyne. No, I haven't a clue either.

Presumably if the hearing is in private, there will be no reports of its proceedings - no TV, radio,newspaper or other simultaneous or next day reportage. By extension anyone leaking its proceedings will presumably be in peril off some sort of sanction. I assume there will be no right of representation - for example for the parents or spouses of British soldiers killed in Iraq. Who will summon the witnesses? Will they (or at least the British ones - it strikes me as unlikely that Cheney or Rumsfeld or the idiot son would show up and there would be nothing to make them) be under any compunction to attend?

And who will ask the awkward questions? And is there any point in asking them? Will we ever know that they were asked?

PUKE! PUKE! PUKE!

What is to be done? The 'inquiry' seems to me to be beyond redemption in its present form. Perhaps the only thing to do is to treat this latter day Star Chamber with the contempt it deserves and provide it with nothing that gives it any form of legitimacy - such as appearing before it.

Otherwise I can only think of an alternative, unofficial enquiry - open and in public with representation if sought. What's to lose?

Hat Tip to Beau Bo D'Or (link to left) - not for the first time - for artwork.

Meanwhile in Nottingham, the local police are having fun with tasers (see clip). The Nottinghamshire Police announce that they have voluntarily passed the video to the Independent Police Complaints Commission (a body usually as much use as - erm - the Iraq 'Inquiry' may be expected to be). Assistant chief constable Peter Davies helpfully explains 'We understand that some members of the public may be concerned about this...'

Oh very perceptive...

swine flu bad taste...

Tsk... Such bad taste. Swine flu seems a bit of a damp squib so far. Apparently there were flu epidemics in 1958 and 1967 that killed about 50,000 people apiece in the UK alone. No-one got very worked up.

Memo to Labour MPs and some some velvet morning

The image is from the consistently excellent Beau Bo D'Or (link to left). As I have sworn never to vote Labour again while well-known war criminal Tony B. Liar lives and breathes, I'm not sure why I'm doing this but here goes. This is a memo explaining to Labour MPs what to do. I'll type slowly as some of them are not the brightest...

1. Dump Brown. Drag him kicking and screaming out of No 10 leaving ten smouldering streaks of fingernail indentation in the carpet. The guy is box office poison. End of. Whereupon the Tories and their preppy twerp of a leader will start shouting for an election because they think (probably quite rightly) they would win it. Tell them to fuck off.
2. Elect whatever new leader is best bet for at least limiting the damage so that the next election is a defeat as opposed to a 1931 type slaughter (apparently Johnson, he typed with a shrug).
3. New leader announces a flat out programme of constitutional reform featuring:

• Electoral Reform - ideally STV but at least Alternative Vote+
• Four year fixed term Parliaments
• Right of recall for errant MPs with some safeguards against abuse of recall powers
• Open primaries for major party candidates.

4. Once legislation is in place a referendum on the four points set out above.

5. If referendum votes in favour, election under proportional representation system as soon as possible.

This may actually save a lot of Labour MP bacon but is there any chance they will do this or anything like it? Nope - cos they are thick, tribalist and have a death wish. We will be governed by a preppy twerp who thinks his wife is unconventional because she went to a day school. Labour deserves this but the people they are supposed to represent do not.

On a more cheerful note, I see Australia got knocked out of the World Twenty/20 having lost both games...

HA! HA! HA!

Polls for the most erotic song ever are usually won by Some Velvet Morning and I'm not arguing. Embedding on the original Lee Hazlewood/Nancy Sinatra version has been disabled by request of some arse so here is the Primal Scream version featuring - um - Kate Moss. I was amused by the story that CBS who issued the original then had censors, people whose job it was to spot the mucky bits and cut them out. Lee Hazlewood managed to persuade the CBS censors that the lines...

Some velvet morning when I'm straight/

I'm gonna open up your gate.

Were about the nice little boy holding open the garden gate for the nice little girl. Nice one Lee...

Pigeon Murder most foul...

It is my unpleasant duty to report a case of pigeon murder in the city of my birth. The faint hearted may care to avert their eyes...