Belated Valentines Day message from the rabbit...

...actually that isn't me. I've got far more hair (he typed smugly) Hat Tip to Michael. Oh, and the message inside?

Dildo, dog, Marianne and farting revisited...

The chappie whose picture the rabbit has totally failed to upload despite devoting far too much time to trying, the rabbit has to report, is named Jure Skumavc and is an architect from Darwin, Australia. It would be noted if the bloody photo would upload has sustained a minor injury to his forehead. How so? I hear the rabbit's devoted readership cry.

The answer is that he was hit by a flying dildo at a stag night.

Those familiar with Priscilla Queen of the Desert will no doubt be familiar with the scene involving projecting ping pong balls out of - erm - a certain part of the anatomy. Something similar happened here involving an exotic dancer and the offending dildo. Mr Skumavc helpfully explained that the pink projectile flew an impressive 7m across the room and looping about 2m high.

'It wasn't a strong shot (when it hit me in the head)' he explained showing commendable tolerance. 'It probably just landed on an awkward sort of angle'.

Quite so. Mr Skumavc added 'I don't have a massive experience with dildos'.

Quite so again.

Apologies to anyone to whom this is stale news but it is new to the rabbit. A US woman has been charged with felony animal cruelty, saying she hanged her nephew's pit bull from a tree with an electrical cord and burned its body because the dog chewed on her Bible. Animal control officers said 65-year-old Miriam Smith of Spartanburg County, South Carolina told them she killed a female dog named Diamond because it was a 'devil dog' and she worried it could harm neighbourhood children.

Only in America...

It was interesting to note that the posting on historic events in Egypt attracted 4 comments and a piece on - erm - farting attracted 12. One of which from Mahal (who is also to blame for the rubbish above) relates to Sarah Palin - just follow the link.

On a better note, the rabbit was pleased to see the great survivor Marianne Faithfull on breakfast Tv this morning. She has a new album coming out called Horses and High Heels. Go buy. She's a class act and has paid her dues - from stardom to drug addiction, lost years and homelessness and back again. Here she is from the sixties with a rabbit favourite, Come and Stay With Me.

What a pleasant surprise!

What a pleasant surprise awaited the rabbit in his Inbox. An e-mail from Christine O'Donnell no less. It is nice to know that she has not forgotten me. 'Guess what the Establishment is up to now...' Christine asks. 'I don't know, dear' the rabbit murmured. 'What are they up to?' It turns out that the establishment is being horrid to Christine and smearing her in some unspecified way and no doubt not a nice one too. But - plucky girl that she is - Christine is not taking it lying down (so to speak). She has set up a PAC or political action committee she tells me. At the risk of seeming to betray a confidence, she tells me as follows...

'You have helped me come this far. You have been a true friend...You are the reason I made a stand for our cause in 2010'

Between you and me, it sounds as if Christine is carrying a bit of a torch for me. I hope this impressionable young woman doesn't get too carried away with these feelings. She does ask me for some dollars but I'm sure will understand when I tell her I have no US dollars. Not a single one...

I'm sure there must be some form of counselling for the lovesick available in Delaware.

Breaking News....

He's gone! And the heartiest 'good riddance'. It has been a wonderful thing to watch. It must have been hugely wonderful to take part in.

More cutting edge legal stuff...

Other legal blogs - or blawgs are they are sometimes vulgarly known - can eat their hearts out. The rabbit is at the cutting edge of legal blogging yet again with
a topic that has exercised the finest jurisprudential minds way back to - erm - someone or the other, namely is farting legal?

This grave and weighty question is now somewhat controversial in Malawi due to the Local Courts Bill, about to begin its majestic progress through the Malawian parliament and containing the following: 'any person who vitiates the atmosphere in any place so as to make it noxious to the public, to the health of persons in general dwelling or carrying on business in the neighbourhood or passing along a public way shall be guilty of a misdemeanour'.

Um righty.

Malawian Justice Minister George Chaponda who is actually a trained lawyer opines that the new bill would criminalise flatulence to promote 'public decency'. 'Just go to the toilet when you feel like farting' our man has helpfully explained.

Um doublerighty.

This unusual construction of the clause in the bill has been contradicted by Solicitor General Anthony Kamanga, who says the reference to 'fouling the air' means pollution. 'How any reasonable or sensible person can construe the provision to criminalising farting in public is beyond me' he said, adding that the prohibition contained in the new law has been in place since 1929.

Speaking as a reasonable or sensible rabbit, there is no dissent from here. Mr Chaponda is warming to his theme, however. 'Would you be happy to see people farting anyhow?' he enquired on Malawi's Capital radio. Anyone with an answer to this question should drop a line forthwith to the minister at...

Ministry of Justice and Constitutional Affairs
Private Bag 333, Lilongwe 3, MALAWI, Central Africa.
Tel : (+265) 1 788 411
Fax : (+265) 1 788 332/841
Email : justice@malawi.gov.mw

No doubt Mr Chaponda would find any feedback valuable. Best not to mention the clip below to him, though... Hat Tip to Mahal

Day 13...

The picture above is of Tahrir Square on day 13 of the protests in Egypt. What is there left to say? These guys (of both genders) are magnificent. End of.

Except it's still not the end of. Mubarak and his cronies are hugely dug in and have tried every trick they can think of to cling on to power. The army is clearly hedging its bets so the regime blocks mobile phone networks, closes down facebook(!) sends its paid goons in to attack protesters - even down to the bizarre camel charge by camel drivers who were apparently told that their licences would not be renewed unless they turned up to give the protester a hard tiome. All to no avail so far - the protesters keep coming back and coming back.But the ruling clique aren't letting go of their ill gotten booty without having their fingers prised from the levers of power. Like any tyranny, they will not give in because they see the moral force of the opposing arguments. They will give in if - and only if - they are made to.

The protesters strength may be their weakness. This is a total bottom up grassroots protest. A certain amount of paranoid rubbish has been doing the rounds in the western press from commentators of the 'Mad Mel' Phillips persuasion to the effect that that the events in Egypt carry the danger of an Islamist regime. The (small minority in Egypt) Muslim Brotherhood bogeyman is wheeled out on cue in support of this proposition. This is plain nonsense. the deminstrations overwhelmingly have a secular and non-sectarian character (see image of Muslim with Koran and Copt with cross being carried through the crowds below). Behind this narrative is the unspoken proposition that though Mubarak may have ruled through a police force which pulled people's fingernails out but he was reliably biddable as regards whatever western interests were perceived to be in the middle east.

The game has moved on from that narrative and is up. But the danger is a fudge imposed on the Egyptians via assorted self-appointed honest brokers. Bottom up grassroots protests are wonderful but somehow an united voice needs to emerge - a voice that won't be pushed around.

The Egyptians have ownership of the movement that has swept that country. No-one else. is entitled to claim or seek to hijack it. Support the Egyptian people and be glad for them

It was pretty inevitable..

...after the last posting - and in particular Tony's efforts - that a certain song had to figure. Here it is! As to the circumstances of its recording, I report as follows from a biography of Mr Dylan...

"Late one night Bob asked the Nashville band he was playin with 'what do you guys do here?' and they replied 'beer'. Bob told them he had a new song but the refrain was 'everybody must get stoned' and he refused to record the song with straight people so he sent Ed Gazzar to Ireland's bar and he came back with a huge leprechaun cocktail for everyone in large milk shake cartons. Joints were passed arround and everyone was wiped out. On the original recording McCoy put a call through to Wayne Doc Butler who brought his trumpet down to the studio. The other musicians all swapped instruments which resulted in that raggy marching band sound. Strzelecki gave his bass to Al Kooper and he played the piano but he couldn't work the pedals with his feet so he had to lay beside the piano and push them with his hands. The voice that you can hear braying with laughter is Strzelecki on the piano. After the session in the contol room. Bob was asked 'what's the name of this song?' 'Rainy day women #12 & 35' - this recording had no rehearsals and was released as is".

With apologies to early to mid sixties stuff haters, I heard the phrase 'nose in the air' earlier today and ever since the song below has been going through my head. Can't be helped, I suppose...

So here are the Ivy League from the 1965 NME awards introduced by the best-known old boy of the rabbit's former school - erm - Jimmy Savile with Funny How Love Can Be. It's dubbed but there ya go.

A stone in weight...

Comments on the hugely overweight Dutch prisoner in the last posting had the rabbit wondering. What is the origin of stone - as in stone in weight? I really didn't know but Google means you never have to say you don't know and off went the rabbit on a voyage of exploration. References to stones usually cause much puzzlement across the North American continent - okay, you guys have pounds but not stones. A stone as mentioned below is 14 pounds and the weight (it's an Imperial weight technically) perhaps has some merit in dividing up (or something like that) large weights where the division may help get a clearer idea of what the weight represents. For example 'X weighs 13 stone 6 pounds' gives me a clearer idea of the bulk of X than 'X weighs 188 pounds' but maybe it's just a familiarity thing. Below are Imperial standards of length from Trafalgar Square (okay the topic is weight but bear with me).

Imperial Units were fixed in 1824 for use in the British Empire. Previously, English Units, a mixture of Anglo-Saxon and Roman measurements, had been in use. The US Customary system derives from the English Units. Below is a baby bottle with Imperial. Metric and US Customary units marked. The UK officially went metric in 1995 but many Imperial measures survive, for example the pint measures are the only legal ones for beer but that may be about to change.

'This is all very well', I hear you cry 'but what is the origin of stone as a measure?' The answer is that originally localities had a good sized stone (as in literally a stone) which they used to measure commodities against. Of course, the stones were of variable weight from locality to locality so in the end standardisation had to come about and duly did. In the 14th century England’s exporting of raw wool to Florence necessitated a fixed standard. In 1389 a royal statute fixed the stone of wool at 14 pounds and the sack of wool at 26 stones.


So that's the answer.


Oddly some other stone weights still exist such as the glass stone of 5 pounds but effectively a stone is always 14 pounds. By way of utterly contrived link, I was going to end with Van Morrison's And It Stoned Me but every time I tried to embed, Internet Explorer crashed. I suspect foul play! I haven't commented yet on the Egypt thing but I'm totally engaged with it and full of admiration for the courage of the anti-government protesters and contempt for Mubarak's goons. The sooner he's on a plane out of there to spend more time with his no doubt stolen offshore funds the better.

Meanwhile in a Dutch cell...

More cutting edge legal blogging natch...

A Dutch prisoner giant has gone to court over the size of his single cell, arguing that it is inhumanely small. The prisoner, 2.07m tall (6ft 9in) and 230kg (36st - multiply by 14 for pounds American readers!), says he cannot properly sleep or use the toilet. Prison officials have tried to relieve his discomfort by adding a a 2.15m plank and an extra mattress to his bed. While the plank and extra mattress supplied by the prison authorities were meant to make him more comfortable, he now has to 'sleep with one eye open in case he falls out of bed' explained his lawyer, one Mr Martens.

It is emphasised by his lawyer that the prisoner is a natural giant and not obese. The rabbit is slightly troubled by this one. Even taking on board (so to speak) that he is 6 ft 9 ins, erm, 36 stones??? He is doing 2 years for fraud as you ask. He is not arguing that he shouldn't finish his sentence, but that he should finish it somewhere else. To take a shower, he must first wedge himself into the cubicle, then crouch down under the head. So tiny and low is his toilet, he complains, that - erm - visits must be kept to the absolute minimum. Mr Martens, who has argued before a court at The Hague that the prisoner - known as - Angelo McD has had his European Convention rights breached (cue Daily Mail type howls of rage) by his conditions of detention. there will be a ruling in February and the rabbit will be playing close attention but is saying nuffin save that overweight Dutchmen put him in mind of the rather wonderful Dutch pancakes - for the unitiated called poffertjes (see below). Yums!

Scambaiting revisited

Way, way back in the beginning of time the rabbit did a posting about his brief career as a scambaiter. Nice unicorn I'm sure all will agree. Being still time pressed, I thought I'd let the excellent scamorama website do the work today. A particular favourite scambaiter of the rabbit's is Lonslo Tossov. Follow the link for his latest romantic tryst - this time with the lovely Jane. The link has further links to Lonslo's previous amours. For the unaware, Lonslo's photographs are actually of the doctor and prolific serial killer Harold Shipman. The website 419eater (419 is the article of the Nigerian penal code prohibiting advance fee fraud) has a most splendid trophy room in which photos of would-be scammers holding up ridiculous signs or doing dumb things are displayed, Hat Tip to 419eater for the following.

No doubt he is...

Ditto this fellow. The scammers are either irredeemably stupid or desperate - or both.

Quite so... On a totally different topic, the rabbit is currently reading Kitty Kelley's The Royals. THIS IS PURELY IN THE INTERESTS OF RESEARCH! I have a literary project and some background reading is needed - otherwise I'd never dream of reading such a book. Having said that, it is actually quite a good scurrilous read and has reinforced the rabbit in his republicanism. A review will follow when I've finished it. On another completely different topic, the rabbit was shocked to come across the image below. Letting the side down if you ask me...

And here is the rabbit's latest masterpiece using the Julian Assange coloring (sic) book website (link below)...

Twelve Angry Cats...

The above feline is named Sal Esposito and if she is looking distinctly startled, there is a good reason. Ever at the cutting edge of legal blogging, the rabbit can reveal that Sal has been summoned for jury service in Boston, Massachusetts, despite being - erm - a cat. Let Sal's owner, Anna Esposito take up the story: 'Sal is a member of the family so I listed her on the last census form under pets but there has clearly been a mix-up'.

Quite so. The rabbit scratches his head at the idea of a census form that requires details of resident pets in the first place but that's by the way.

A jury summons duly appeared for Sal, much to the bemusement of his - one may suspect intellectually challenged - owners. Anna Esposito filed to have her pet disqualified from the service requirement on the grounds he is 'unable to speak and understand English'. She even included a letter from her vet explaining that Sal is not a human being but a 'domestic short-haired neutered feline'.

Very reasonable points too, I am sure all will agree but the court rejected the request, and as things stand, Sal will have to report for duty to Suffolk Superior Court in Boston on March 23.

The rabbit awaits developments but does recall that his youth (or early adulthood more strictly) he lived in a house with a TV Licence holding cat. The relevant licence was in the name of Ms B. A. Catt - the relevant cat being called Brian despite being female for reasons too convoluted and dull to explain. He also recalls a cat named Florence who was on the electoral roll as Florence A Catt. Unlike Sal, Florence's entry was deliberate and a joke. Also unlike Sal (I assume) Florence actually voted in a general election via a human representative who presented herself at the polling station and gave Florence's name. Florence voted Liberal if you were wondering. Hat Tip to Mahal.

Caligula and pigeon

Here follows a couple of stories which have amused the rabbit. Above is the Roman Emperor Caligula (statue of the same from the Louvre), or Gaius Julius Caesar Augustus Germanicus To Mention But A Few to give him his real name. For the classically challenged, Caligula was bonkers even by the standards of the Caesars and noted for unfortunate activities such as sleeping with his sisters, turning the royal palace into a brothel and once, while watching some games, throwing an entire section of the crowd into the arena to be eaten by animals as there were no criminals left and he was bored, a point of view I am sure all will readily understand.

The rabbit's favourite Caligula story is that he had his favourite Horse, Incitatus by name, made a Roman Citizen and Senator and planned to have him made consul. Very sensible too. A jolly good sport, Incitatus would apparently invite various dignitaries round for dinner. What happened to Incitatus after caligula's death at the hands of his Praetorian Guard who had plainly decided that eh had got a bit much remains obscure. Robert Graves has Claudius in Claudius The God withdrawing Incitatus' status as Senator as, despite the fact he could find no moral fault with Incitatus, he no longer passed the property qualification but the more likely theory is that he was killed. This may have come as a relief after a life of eating gold leaf, drinking wine and larging it in a purple horse blanket. Oh and Caligula said he was to be revered as a god. Double-oh and he was married to a horse called Penelope.

The topicality of all this is that Caligula's grave has never been found. But there have been developments. A tomb raider was arrested near Italy's Lake Nemi, about 20 miles south of Rome, as he loaded part of a 2.5-metre statue of our man into a lorry. Caligula undoubtedly had a villa nearby, as well as a floating temple and a floating palace. As one does. The statue is thought to be worth over £800,000. Now it has been claimed that the tomb raider has shown Italian police where the grave of Caligula is and excavations are to commence. Some experts, notably Cambridge classicist Mary Beard have expressed scepticism. the rabbit will be keeping an eye on this story. Below is John Hurt totally larging it as Caligula in the absolutely astounding BBC serial I Claudius...



Oh okay, from the same series, here is John Hurt camping it up outrageously as Caligula with the Troggs Wild Thing overdubbed. You gotta admit that the combination works. Enjoy...



Meanwhile in Colombia, all is not well. Some naughty jailbirds (as it were) have been using a carrier pigeon to fly cannabis and cocaine paste into prison. Unfortunately the poor bird was somewhat overloaded with drugs and - well - couldn't quite make it and crash landed just short of the prison in somewhere called Bucaramanga. A case of greed defeating ingenuity.

Eheu Fugaces

The rabbit was sad, and in a way shocked, to learn of the death from cancer of Susannah York , aged 72. The shock is from remembering her from when he was an adolescent - a beautiful, as well as talented actress. And talented she undoubtedly was, while viewing fame and celebrity with an appropriate indifference. By all accounts a lovely woman, she was a passionate supporter of such causes as she thought merited support. 72 isn't that old and cancer is a cruel disease. The above pic is of her as I would like to remember her - young and sexy as hell.

There are consolations, though. Another Nickel In The Machine has become one of the rabbit's all time favourite blogs. Postings are highly irregular but when they come they are quality. A couple have been posted recently. Enjoy.

Oh and a more major consolation is the news that the rabbit is to become a grandfather for the first time in July. I've got the ultrasound scan pic but I can't really post it without permission - it just blew me away, though. I'll ask...

Go on, you know you want to!

With Hat Tip to Tony, rabbit this will drive you nuts but you can't help it services is pleased to bring the Julian Assange Coloring Book. Stupid but compulsive or what?

Mocking Politicians......

The above chappie is Hugo Chavez who - for the benefit of the unitiated - is the President of Venezuela. Mahal prompts the rabbit that it the nazis were not the only members of the political class to have a huge sense of humour failure in the face of mockery (see Jackie the dog below). A Colombia soap opera called Chepe Fortuna does the rounds in Latin America and stars a character called Colombia and her sister Venezuela, who owns a dog called - erm - Little Hugo.

It is shown on the Televen channel in Venezuela. Could it be that Chavez - and Venezuala generally - is being mocked? The Venezuelan regulator Conatel thinks so complaining that the character named Venezuela was 'repeatedly characterised as associated with crime, interference and vulgarity'. One can but tut at such stereotyping.

Her gossipy and unscrupulous manner, continued Conatel, showed 'the shameless manipulation of the plot to demoralise the Venezuelan people'.

Um righty...

Conatel ordered the Televen channel to take the programme off air on Thursday night. So far no response from Televen. The rabbit will keep an eye on the situation - as he will on the situation of the Venezuelan Judge presently banged up for some reason the rabbit doesn't quite follow.

Funny lot politicians... Evidently British Prime Minister David Cameron is very sensitive about his admittedly odd shaped bald patch and even hired an official photographer at £35,000 a year to not photograph it. A very sensible use of public funds, I'm sure all will agree. Here rabbit mockery services presents to an unsuspecting world the funny shaped bald patch in all its horror. The result of such hypersensitivity is of course that various of the media have become somewhat obsessed with the bald patch and spend half their working hours trying to spot it...

Way back in the 60s, there was a New Zealand politician - and later prime minister - called Robert Muldoon who was greatly offended by the Peter Cook/Dudley Moore song 'The ballad of Spotty Muldoon' During his time as Finance Minister, New Zealand National Radio banned 'The ballad of Spotty Muldoon'. Very reasonable too. I'm sure all will agree but as 'Spotty' is dead now, who cares? Let it rip...

Conviction and Jackie the Dog...

The rabbit has never been invited to the pre-release screening of a film before. But he was today at 20th Century Fox offices in central London. The film is called Conviction and the rabbit got the invite as a lawyer and blogger.

The storyline is based on real life. A Massachusetts woman named Betty-Ann Waters (Hilary Swank) life was turned upside down when her older brother Kenny (Sam Rockwell) was arrested for murder and sentenced to life imprisonment in 1983. She set out on an 18 year mission to have her brother's conviction quashed, putting herself through high school, college and, finally, law school. Does she succeed? Take a wild guess. The particularly interesting part of the story is that the appeal was one of the first to use DNA evidence

Did the rabbit get to the pre-release screening? Nope. Until very near close of business on Friday, it looked like that all was good for his attendance. Then at the last minute a case in Oxford arrived in his diary. The way it works is that there was no alternative to heading off to Oxford, which the rabbit duly did.

But the kind PR lady who arranged the rabbit's attendance at the pre-release screening has sent a load of promotional clips. Here they are - fresh as can be.

Four of them plus the trailer..

I will go and see it - even as a paying customer! But that is the story of how the rabbit nearly mixed with the cinematic great and good. Heigh ho...

Introducing Jackie the Dog. How cool is a dog in shades? Jackie' story has recently come to the rabbit's attention as causing offence to the Nazis in general and Hitler in particular. Now it takes little imagination to appreciate that the Nazis were not strong on self-deprecating humour. Jackie (a dalmatian as you ask) was taught by his owner's wife to raise his paw in a Nazi salute every time he heard the word 'Hitler'. This was not well-received in German government circles and historians have found thirty official files about the dog, despite the German government having other things on its collective mind at the time such as - erm - invading Russia.

Jackie's owner was a Finnish businessman named Tor Borg. His wife was an anti-Nazi German. Borg was reported by an informer to the German Consulate in Helsinki and summoned for interrogation.He said he had never done anything 'that could be seen as an insult against the Reich'

Oh no not much.. Happily he got away with it and there were no consequences, save to Hitler's 'dignity'.

the rabbit doesn't usually do requests...

but simply wondered asked for the Mitchell Johnson song to make his happiness complete. Here are the Barmies, led from the field by KP with aforesaid song, words as follows...

He bowls to the left
He bowls to the right
But that Mitchell Johnson
His bowling is shite

Pleasing in its simplicity, I am sure all will agree. The rabbit is coming to the conclusion that the mockery is all getting a bit much. What for example can comedian Bill Bailey mean by the following?

'Let's not mention the Ashes and the 3 innings defeats. It would be unseemly to mention the 3 innings defeats, in the Ashes, 3 - 1'

The rabbit can only concur. Former England captain Michael Vaughan seems to have plans on becoming a comedian himself. I quote...

What do you call an Australian with a bottle of champagne? A waiter.
What do you call an Australian with 100 runs to his name? A bowler.
What do you call an Australian who can hold a catch? A fisherman.

One can but tut at this gloating and move on.

On a completely different topic, the rabbit read an article today about Sandy Denny and was put in mind of her exquisite song Who Knows Where The Time Goes? Amazingly, she wrote this song aged 20. She died of a brain haemorrhage after falling down stairs aged 31 in 1978. Here is the original demo of this song from Sandy Denny/Fairport Convention.

Good God...

With Hat Tip to Laci the Dog, here is something from the Thames Water sewermen... This is either late for Christmas or early for Mental Health Week or somesuch....

The time poor rabbit is hopping off leaving the above in his wake. Oh and with Hat Tip to Earl, try this for size too...

Sprinkler Dance...

Does sport get any better than this? Nope! Do I have the slightest sympathy for the Australians? Nope. I thought it was the Poms who were supposed to do the whinging but the Australians - team and public - went down gracelessly and - erm - whinging.

And here is a 2011 factoid with Hat Tip to Charon QC: 2011 is a prime number/sum of 11 consecutive primes ...

2011=157+163+167+173+179+181+191+193+197+199+211

Informative here, you have to admit.

An Ideal Husband and other stuff...

The rabbit is coming up for air briefly after seasonal stuff. The seasonal stuff included a first ever visit to the Vaudeville Theatre to see Oscar Wilde's An Ideal Husband. The rabbit and his companions got box seats at day ticket prices of £10, which induced smugness all round as we waved graciously to the common herd down in the stalls from our box seats. An Ideal Husband isn't Oscar's best play - The Importance of Being Earnest is perfection - delicious zingy one liner after delicious zingy one liner - and perfection by definition cannot be improved on. But An Ideal Husband is pretty good. Follow the Oscar gems on the clip above.

OSCAR WILDE ROCKS!

The rabbit also caught Love and Other Drugs - this was not and would not have been the rabbit's choice - asort of romcom cum weepie but the rabbit was generally entertained and found Anne Hathaway most pleasing to the eye. It also has a rather good soundtrack, including a rabbit favourite - Fatboy Slim's Praise You.Like sooooo.....

Lengthier postings to follow soon. Australian readers will notice that the rabbit - with commendable forbearance - hasn't even mentioned The Ashes. This is a gloating-free zone!

Ha! Ha! Ha! Hee! Hee! Hee!