Friday, 19 September 2008

I do not believe it!!!

This story has been running for a couple of days but still merits comment. Preppy Liberal Democrat leader Nick Clegg had the brilliant idea (or more likely some moron in his office/party headquarters did but he clearly went along with it) that what the great British public would love above all was a cold call recorded message from him. A lucky 250,000 copped his automated message. There was apparently an opportunity after our hero's two minute peroration to provide feedback. An option starting with 'why don't you' and ending in 'off my line' Was presumably not among the options for feedback.

Helpful explanation for Mr Clegg: people hate cold calls and hate automated cold calls most of all. Hate probably understates it. Loathe may be getting warmer. Imagine the happy scene, there you are cooking dinner/putting the baby to bed/transfixed in front of Emmerdale when you are interrupted by the phone ringing. You drop whatever you were doing (preferably not literally dropping the baby) and hurry to the phone. 'Hello this is an automated message from Nick Clegg who would like to talk down to you for a couple of minutes' How many nanoseconds before the slamdown and stream of invective from irate voter in marginal constituency?

How stupid can the political class be? It has to be a sign of their disengagement from reality that they apparently imagine anyone would be remotely pleased to receive such a call or interested in the contents. And they seriously imagine this sort of stuff is going to make the great British public more likely to vote for them? Send for the men in white coats...

I blogged on cold calling back in June - have a look - it's a good laugh (very rude words indeed warning)


Daisy Deadhead said...

This is standard in the USA... in SC we have "privacy detectors" that block calls (for a fee, natch), but that is not even an option in every state. We call em "robocalls"... I used to get tons of em during the South Carolina primary!

Good way to turn you against candidates!

Barlinnie said...

Maybe if you were constipated.. Then, and only then would you be glad to hear the voice of Mr Clegg and the policies of his Raving Fuck-wit party pals.

Anonymous said...

I am awaiting a cold call from Gordon Braunschweiger. Will it happen? Will it not. Thank fock.

elizabeth said...

Me thinks someone or another might have gotten fired over such a brilliant idea... or if they weren't they should have been.

Mr Pineapples said...

As usual - we have messages of support for you Waaabuttt


Cold Calling works

It does - didnt you know?

Why the hell d'ya think folks do it? Just to waste money and wind people up? I dont fink so.

So - come up with some original thoughts for a change - stop hitting onto topics which you know the usual drongoes will back slap you on.

I guarantee that the cold calls will garner support for Cleggie and the Lib Dems.

Wake up
Wise up
Grow up

M said...

and you, why don't you

shut up

sorry Andrew, had a peanut in my hand and couldnt resist

Anonymous said...

The young boy with no dropped bollocks cackles again. wouldn't you think that his mummy takes a look into his bedroom now and then to see what he is doing? Disfunctional family.

What could you ever expect from a family of chavs. Dispair not, he is only 15. Give it a bit of space.

Anonymous said...

BTW this little chav chap watches either Home and away or Neighbours. It likes to utilise "aussie" speak.

Either way it likes to watch daytime telly. Mindless chav bastard.

BTW pineapples, I used to work with an Australian bloke 15 years ago. You just gave your game away, you sad little 15 year old git. You have just been out-pineappled.

elizabeth said...

An award has been bestowed upon your blog... come and get it ;o)

jailhouselawyer said...

This may be construed as spam. I don't think you have seen the post on my blog about what the White Rabbit gets up to when he is moonlighting...

Anonymous said...

there appears to be argument abot people liking cold calls (well there's mr p and there's all the other people) but surely they have worked out by now that NOBODY likes the bloody libdems.

and could you imagine a 2 minute recording of boris? he'd have just about got to errrrr hello before the tape ran out.

thank god the tories are going to protect us from the evil capitalist bankers. phew!

hey, floppy ears, if you are going for beers with pseudo legal characters then please feel free to join me in the cittie of yorke one evening after college.

Android said...

Wow, that was pretty stupid. How come nobody told him?!

I never listen to automated messages on my answerphone - I delete them immediately! What a waste of resources.

Frank Partisan said...

I've done telemarketing before. That was not fun.

Barlinnie said...

Where the hell has Mr Rabbit vanished to? At least phone home to let your pals know you are ok.

M said...

Bollix, Rabbit is a wee bit busy at the moment but is itching to get back to regular blogging. He is just fine and dandy, and will email when he got a minute and sends greetings.

Just to put your mind at rest!

Mr Pineapples said...

Hey poncey little gett.

There you are - boring as hell....Mr Of-the-Establishment....and you have these drongo mates.

Now Bollix is alright.....Celtic supporter.....not bad bloke....good sense of humour..

But that stupid gett....Rob's Knees?

The geezer cant even make us laugh...uses swear words as a foil for his lack of witt and likes to crack up porno shots on his blog to draw some attention.

Having a mate like that? Does it make you hard?


It make you look like a pratt.

Mr Pineapples said...


Who's this bird M?

P clicked on her's as dull as yours (not quite...only kidding ya).

There was this clip of a load of boring birds flapping about.

Have a word with her mate....there's a good lad (she seems to know you....poor devil as you are.)

Krap like that (birds and krap)just aint good enough.

Barlinnie said...

Pineapples, or Walter Mitty, as your more commonly known in blogging circles. Should you ever become as intelligent and witty as Mr Ron Knee, then you may address me. Until then, I would prefer if you didn't refer to me as if we are old pals. To me, you are little more than shit on my shoe.

Mr Rabbit, I apologise for the intrusion on your commet section.

Mr Pineapples said...

Dear Bollerks

P can't believe what He is reading here.

We were great mates one time.

You said how big you looked in your Celtic shirt and we chatted about that...and about Millie McNeil...the Scottish goal hanger.

In fact you said:

"I like you Mr P....I am more Ronnie than Reggie Kray...if you get my meaning.."

I said:

"No I dont get it"

You said"

"Can I grease you with my deep fried mars bar"


"Can we have a spot of wee man-love?"

You know you said these things on your Blog....P cut and pasted the above right off your blog.

So what's happened since?


white rabbit said...

Greetings, objects!

The rabbit is alive and well but suffering from an in-between hutches problem plus a knackered hard drive. Some of you know full story. Jimmy - I'll message when catch a moment, Normal service should be restored in a couple of weeks.

Keep da faith! :D

Mr Pineapples said...

hey Andy Waabit.

P got to thinkin'

Why is Andy Wabbit - a luminary in the legal world, a respected luminary in the legal world (and all that) - why is he teaming up with folks who would normally be clients of his? (Pro-Bono off course)

Jokers like Rab Knees.



Foul mouthed


Can you enlighten us Andy WAAABIT?

Do you usually chum up with such obvious losers? And dont give us that krap about their wittyness being more than The P's...

And the buggers are scottish too....bloody hell


Unknown said...

We're missing you. Meanwhile, I've tagged you for a meme.

Mr Pineapples said...

Thanks Mikeb302000 - Mr P recognises and Appreciates your support.

To know that there are fans out there for Mr P is encouraging.

elizabeth said...'s November... whatcha up to?

VW - alonesk (lol)

Workaholic said...

Just come across this. I do like it!

It's disappointing that you haven't posted in a while

Mr Pineapples said...

I must apologise to everyone here, I realise that I have in the past come across as a foul-mouthed ignorant gett but I have been suffering from manic depression and delusions that I am actually a decent human being. My doctor has given me some nice, really good pills which take away the pain.

My boyfriend has been a real help to me over the past year, without his tender love and understanding I would have not survived.

Once again, sorry for being such a prick to you all.

Unknown said...

All right, a couple months off is enough for anyone. Now, back to blogging.

Mr Pineapples said...

Hey brothers

See the Real P blog.

And learn from The P

Daisy Deadhead said...


And have a happy New Year too!

Anonymous said...

just a comment to say hello and hope you're ok. i know from personal experience that no posts for months means nothing (except in my case that i'm lazy or mad with bvc work) but wanted to check on you. maybe you are knee-deep in your latest oeuvre.
all the best for 09.

Minx said...

* Wrings out soggy, knotted hankie, wet with tears*

Rabbit! Please don't desert us creatures of the Ether - you are sorely missed!! :((

Mr Pineapples said...

*Picks His nose,yawns, and falls asleep*

Rabbit! Not missing you at all - please don't come back. Life is so much nicer without you.

Barlinnie said...

Missing! Reward offered for the return of 1 witty rabbit.