Friday, 29 October 2010

How not to renew your vows

The Maldives are off the coast of Sri Lanka. where better than its sun-kissed beaches to go to renew your wedding vows? One Swiss couple did exactly that. The above clip shows them looking suitably respectful and reflective, palms upraised and heads bowed as if in prayer at various points. The officiant type person addresses them in a chant like voice, no doubt bestowing on their happy union blessings and the like.

Except he isn't. He is saying very rude things indeed. And of course because neither of them speak the local dialect, they haven't a clue what is going on. The officiant begins chanting in the Dhivehi language that 'under penal code clause seven, forbidden fornication is now legal'. Not sure I quite get his drift but 'swine' (addressed to the couple) seems clear enough albeit that 'most of the children you get will have spots on their skin. Because of these spots your children will be considered illegitimate children' seems more than passing odd. The clip above has running translation. Feel free to join in the ceremony.

Of course the Maldives government is having a fit, seeing the bad publicity damaging the tourist trade. On one level, there is a kind of conceit in buying in to something that is wholly unknown to both partners but assumed to be exotic in a good way. On the other the couple have acted in good faith and invested time, money and no doubt emotion in the occasion.

For some reason the words of Oscar Wilde on the death of little Nell came to mind. 'One would have to have a heart of stone to read the death of little Nell without dissolving into tears...of laughter'.

The British, it emerges, are the fourth most overweight people in the world. A quarter of us are obese, with a body mass index of 30 or more, while four in ten of us are merely overweight, it emerges. Top fatties are Australians (71.1 per cent obese or overweight), Americans (69.9 per cent) and, a little oddly, the United Arab Emirates (68.4) coming in at third. The plucky Brits are just short of 67% obese or overweight. Our closest European rival is Germany at 62 per cent but in France the figure is 42.3 per cent. The rabbit is feeling smug on this topic, having lost 10lbs in the last few weeks. In the meantime, the England team sets out today for the greatest sporting event on earth in the rabbit's opinion - the Ashes. Here is a grainy old clip of Harold Larwood showing how it's done from the 1932/33 bodyline tour. Note the run up and action - erm - and result. Firm but fair. (Aussies were slimmer then)


Catch Her in the Wry said...

Is that a photo of Christine's bum?

As regards the wedding couple, I'm certain they were perfectly happy with the ceremony until some killjoy translated it for them. Ignorance is bliss, you know.

The Dental Maven said...

Hey, caveat emptor! The Mave has little sympathy for those who have the cash to "renew their vows" in the Maldives and don't do the due diligence before hand.

JoJo said...

Wow, that's some muffin top eh?

Word verif: parthead

sybil law said...

Worms from the penis!!

I'll bet that dude is wishing that was his only problem about now (the guy who said everything)!

Petit fleur said...

Congrats on the smugger, sleeker version of the rabbit!

But, honestly, that pink image is foul. That shit is seared into my brain and I will likely never be able to drink Pepto Bismol again. Thanks for that. Really. :-p

tony said...

I'm Just Glad To Hear That Fornication Is Now Legal......Bring on the f***ing Aussies!

white rabbit said...

Catchy - and sometimes ignorance is - well - just ignorance. Apparently it was the officiant and his pals and not the happy couple who posted this stuff on YouTube. They now wish they hadn't as the Maldives Government is seriously pissed off - because of a perceived threat to the tourist trade - and is threatening criminal sanctions.

Maven - Agreed (again) the combination of arrogance and incuriosity (nice word that) is pretty jaw dropping.

JoJo/Little Flower - sorry about the pink thing. It's not a pretty sight...

Sybil - He does have an - erm - imaginative way with words. One can only wonder about the state of mental health of someone who comes up with the worm thing...

Tony - Too f***ing right! :D

unique_stephen said...

Apparently when the "bodyline" series went to air in Oz decades ago Larwood was an old bloke well in the decline of dementia. It somehow became public that he was in a nursing home here. The poor old bloke had no idea what was going on and was a little upset at the stream of abusive visitors.

white rabbit said...

Stephen - 'Bodyline' was shown over here and generally treated as comedy. Hugo Weaving as Jardine had a particularly bizarre line in vampire camp. Some years later - equipped with a collection of children as excuse - I went to see Part I of the 'Lord of the Rings' trilogy. About the first actor to appear is Weaving. 'Fuck me' I thought. 'It's Douglas Jardine'.

Larwoood was evidently very happy in Australia mostly. He was dumped by the English cricket establishment (as was Jardine) and when he and his family set off as ten pound poms only John Arlott showed up to see him off - with a good luck telegram from Jardine in his pocket.

At least there is a Larwood and Voce stand at Trent Bridge and a Douglas Jardine stand at the Oval now.

renew vows in las vegas said...

If none of those nay-saying friends has proof that you should be worried — and many of them may not have satisfying relationships themselves — I say it's time to tell them to stop questioning your man's motivations and just be happy for you. Allow yourself to enjoy those “wow, how romantic” feelings.