Meanwhile in a Dutch cell...

More cutting edge legal blogging natch...

A Dutch prisoner giant has gone to court over the size of his single cell, arguing that it is inhumanely small. The prisoner, 2.07m tall (6ft 9in) and 230kg (36st - multiply by 14 for pounds American readers!), says he cannot properly sleep or use the toilet. Prison officials have tried to relieve his discomfort by adding a a 2.15m plank and an extra mattress to his bed. While the plank and extra mattress supplied by the prison authorities were meant to make him more comfortable, he now has to 'sleep with one eye open in case he falls out of bed' explained his lawyer, one Mr Martens.

It is emphasised by his lawyer that the prisoner is a natural giant and not obese. The rabbit is slightly troubled by this one. Even taking on board (so to speak) that he is 6 ft 9 ins, erm, 36 stones??? He is doing 2 years for fraud as you ask. He is not arguing that he shouldn't finish his sentence, but that he should finish it somewhere else. To take a shower, he must first wedge himself into the cubicle, then crouch down under the head. So tiny and low is his toilet, he complains, that - erm - visits must be kept to the absolute minimum. Mr Martens, who has argued before a court at The Hague that the prisoner - known as - Angelo McD has had his European Convention rights breached (cue Daily Mail type howls of rage) by his conditions of detention. there will be a ruling in February and the rabbit will be playing close attention but is saying nuffin save that overweight Dutchmen put him in mind of the rather wonderful Dutch pancakes - for the unitiated called poffertjes (see below). Yums!

Scambaiting revisited

Way, way back in the beginning of time the rabbit did a posting about his brief career as a scambaiter. Nice unicorn I'm sure all will agree. Being still time pressed, I thought I'd let the excellent scamorama website do the work today. A particular favourite scambaiter of the rabbit's is Lonslo Tossov. Follow the link for his latest romantic tryst - this time with the lovely Jane. The link has further links to Lonslo's previous amours. For the unaware, Lonslo's photographs are actually of the doctor and prolific serial killer Harold Shipman. The website 419eater (419 is the article of the Nigerian penal code prohibiting advance fee fraud) has a most splendid trophy room in which photos of would-be scammers holding up ridiculous signs or doing dumb things are displayed, Hat Tip to 419eater for the following.

No doubt he is...

Ditto this fellow. The scammers are either irredeemably stupid or desperate - or both.

Quite so... On a totally different topic, the rabbit is currently reading Kitty Kelley's The Royals. THIS IS PURELY IN THE INTERESTS OF RESEARCH! I have a literary project and some background reading is needed - otherwise I'd never dream of reading such a book. Having said that, it is actually quite a good scurrilous read and has reinforced the rabbit in his republicanism. A review will follow when I've finished it. On another completely different topic, the rabbit was shocked to come across the image below. Letting the side down if you ask me...

And here is the rabbit's latest masterpiece using the Julian Assange coloring (sic) book website (link below)...

Twelve Angry Cats...

The above feline is named Sal Esposito and if she is looking distinctly startled, there is a good reason. Ever at the cutting edge of legal blogging, the rabbit can reveal that Sal has been summoned for jury service in Boston, Massachusetts, despite being - erm - a cat. Let Sal's owner, Anna Esposito take up the story: 'Sal is a member of the family so I listed her on the last census form under pets but there has clearly been a mix-up'.

Quite so. The rabbit scratches his head at the idea of a census form that requires details of resident pets in the first place but that's by the way.

A jury summons duly appeared for Sal, much to the bemusement of his - one may suspect intellectually challenged - owners. Anna Esposito filed to have her pet disqualified from the service requirement on the grounds he is 'unable to speak and understand English'. She even included a letter from her vet explaining that Sal is not a human being but a 'domestic short-haired neutered feline'.

Very reasonable points too, I am sure all will agree but the court rejected the request, and as things stand, Sal will have to report for duty to Suffolk Superior Court in Boston on March 23.

The rabbit awaits developments but does recall that his youth (or early adulthood more strictly) he lived in a house with a TV Licence holding cat. The relevant licence was in the name of Ms B. A. Catt - the relevant cat being called Brian despite being female for reasons too convoluted and dull to explain. He also recalls a cat named Florence who was on the electoral roll as Florence A Catt. Unlike Sal, Florence's entry was deliberate and a joke. Also unlike Sal (I assume) Florence actually voted in a general election via a human representative who presented herself at the polling station and gave Florence's name. Florence voted Liberal if you were wondering. Hat Tip to Mahal.

Caligula and pigeon

Here follows a couple of stories which have amused the rabbit. Above is the Roman Emperor Caligula (statue of the same from the Louvre), or Gaius Julius Caesar Augustus Germanicus To Mention But A Few to give him his real name. For the classically challenged, Caligula was bonkers even by the standards of the Caesars and noted for unfortunate activities such as sleeping with his sisters, turning the royal palace into a brothel and once, while watching some games, throwing an entire section of the crowd into the arena to be eaten by animals as there were no criminals left and he was bored, a point of view I am sure all will readily understand.

The rabbit's favourite Caligula story is that he had his favourite Horse, Incitatus by name, made a Roman Citizen and Senator and planned to have him made consul. Very sensible too. A jolly good sport, Incitatus would apparently invite various dignitaries round for dinner. What happened to Incitatus after caligula's death at the hands of his Praetorian Guard who had plainly decided that eh had got a bit much remains obscure. Robert Graves has Claudius in Claudius The God withdrawing Incitatus' status as Senator as, despite the fact he could find no moral fault with Incitatus, he no longer passed the property qualification but the more likely theory is that he was killed. This may have come as a relief after a life of eating gold leaf, drinking wine and larging it in a purple horse blanket. Oh and Caligula said he was to be revered as a god. Double-oh and he was married to a horse called Penelope.

The topicality of all this is that Caligula's grave has never been found. But there have been developments. A tomb raider was arrested near Italy's Lake Nemi, about 20 miles south of Rome, as he loaded part of a 2.5-metre statue of our man into a lorry. Caligula undoubtedly had a villa nearby, as well as a floating temple and a floating palace. As one does. The statue is thought to be worth over £800,000. Now it has been claimed that the tomb raider has shown Italian police where the grave of Caligula is and excavations are to commence. Some experts, notably Cambridge classicist Mary Beard have expressed scepticism. the rabbit will be keeping an eye on this story. Below is John Hurt totally larging it as Caligula in the absolutely astounding BBC serial I Claudius...



Oh okay, from the same series, here is John Hurt camping it up outrageously as Caligula with the Troggs Wild Thing overdubbed. You gotta admit that the combination works. Enjoy...



Meanwhile in Colombia, all is not well. Some naughty jailbirds (as it were) have been using a carrier pigeon to fly cannabis and cocaine paste into prison. Unfortunately the poor bird was somewhat overloaded with drugs and - well - couldn't quite make it and crash landed just short of the prison in somewhere called Bucaramanga. A case of greed defeating ingenuity.

Eheu Fugaces

The rabbit was sad, and in a way shocked, to learn of the death from cancer of Susannah York , aged 72. The shock is from remembering her from when he was an adolescent - a beautiful, as well as talented actress. And talented she undoubtedly was, while viewing fame and celebrity with an appropriate indifference. By all accounts a lovely woman, she was a passionate supporter of such causes as she thought merited support. 72 isn't that old and cancer is a cruel disease. The above pic is of her as I would like to remember her - young and sexy as hell.

There are consolations, though. Another Nickel In The Machine has become one of the rabbit's all time favourite blogs. Postings are highly irregular but when they come they are quality. A couple have been posted recently. Enjoy.

Oh and a more major consolation is the news that the rabbit is to become a grandfather for the first time in July. I've got the ultrasound scan pic but I can't really post it without permission - it just blew me away, though. I'll ask...

Go on, you know you want to!

With Hat Tip to Tony, rabbit this will drive you nuts but you can't help it services is pleased to bring the Julian Assange Coloring Book. Stupid but compulsive or what?

Mocking Politicians......

The above chappie is Hugo Chavez who - for the benefit of the unitiated - is the President of Venezuela. Mahal prompts the rabbit that it the nazis were not the only members of the political class to have a huge sense of humour failure in the face of mockery (see Jackie the dog below). A Colombia soap opera called Chepe Fortuna does the rounds in Latin America and stars a character called Colombia and her sister Venezuela, who owns a dog called - erm - Little Hugo.

It is shown on the Televen channel in Venezuela. Could it be that Chavez - and Venezuala generally - is being mocked? The Venezuelan regulator Conatel thinks so complaining that the character named Venezuela was 'repeatedly characterised as associated with crime, interference and vulgarity'. One can but tut at such stereotyping.

Her gossipy and unscrupulous manner, continued Conatel, showed 'the shameless manipulation of the plot to demoralise the Venezuelan people'.

Um righty...

Conatel ordered the Televen channel to take the programme off air on Thursday night. So far no response from Televen. The rabbit will keep an eye on the situation - as he will on the situation of the Venezuelan Judge presently banged up for some reason the rabbit doesn't quite follow.

Funny lot politicians... Evidently British Prime Minister David Cameron is very sensitive about his admittedly odd shaped bald patch and even hired an official photographer at £35,000 a year to not photograph it. A very sensible use of public funds, I'm sure all will agree. Here rabbit mockery services presents to an unsuspecting world the funny shaped bald patch in all its horror. The result of such hypersensitivity is of course that various of the media have become somewhat obsessed with the bald patch and spend half their working hours trying to spot it...

Way back in the 60s, there was a New Zealand politician - and later prime minister - called Robert Muldoon who was greatly offended by the Peter Cook/Dudley Moore song 'The ballad of Spotty Muldoon' During his time as Finance Minister, New Zealand National Radio banned 'The ballad of Spotty Muldoon'. Very reasonable too. I'm sure all will agree but as 'Spotty' is dead now, who cares? Let it rip...

Conviction and Jackie the Dog...

The rabbit has never been invited to the pre-release screening of a film before. But he was today at 20th Century Fox offices in central London. The film is called Conviction and the rabbit got the invite as a lawyer and blogger.

The storyline is based on real life. A Massachusetts woman named Betty-Ann Waters (Hilary Swank) life was turned upside down when her older brother Kenny (Sam Rockwell) was arrested for murder and sentenced to life imprisonment in 1983. She set out on an 18 year mission to have her brother's conviction quashed, putting herself through high school, college and, finally, law school. Does she succeed? Take a wild guess. The particularly interesting part of the story is that the appeal was one of the first to use DNA evidence

Did the rabbit get to the pre-release screening? Nope. Until very near close of business on Friday, it looked like that all was good for his attendance. Then at the last minute a case in Oxford arrived in his diary. The way it works is that there was no alternative to heading off to Oxford, which the rabbit duly did.

But the kind PR lady who arranged the rabbit's attendance at the pre-release screening has sent a load of promotional clips. Here they are - fresh as can be.

Four of them plus the trailer..

I will go and see it - even as a paying customer! But that is the story of how the rabbit nearly mixed with the cinematic great and good. Heigh ho...

Introducing Jackie the Dog. How cool is a dog in shades? Jackie' story has recently come to the rabbit's attention as causing offence to the Nazis in general and Hitler in particular. Now it takes little imagination to appreciate that the Nazis were not strong on self-deprecating humour. Jackie (a dalmatian as you ask) was taught by his owner's wife to raise his paw in a Nazi salute every time he heard the word 'Hitler'. This was not well-received in German government circles and historians have found thirty official files about the dog, despite the German government having other things on its collective mind at the time such as - erm - invading Russia.

Jackie's owner was a Finnish businessman named Tor Borg. His wife was an anti-Nazi German. Borg was reported by an informer to the German Consulate in Helsinki and summoned for interrogation.He said he had never done anything 'that could be seen as an insult against the Reich'

Oh no not much.. Happily he got away with it and there were no consequences, save to Hitler's 'dignity'.

the rabbit doesn't usually do requests...

but simply wondered asked for the Mitchell Johnson song to make his happiness complete. Here are the Barmies, led from the field by KP with aforesaid song, words as follows...

He bowls to the left
He bowls to the right
But that Mitchell Johnson
His bowling is shite

Pleasing in its simplicity, I am sure all will agree. The rabbit is coming to the conclusion that the mockery is all getting a bit much. What for example can comedian Bill Bailey mean by the following?

'Let's not mention the Ashes and the 3 innings defeats. It would be unseemly to mention the 3 innings defeats, in the Ashes, 3 - 1'

The rabbit can only concur. Former England captain Michael Vaughan seems to have plans on becoming a comedian himself. I quote...

What do you call an Australian with a bottle of champagne? A waiter.
What do you call an Australian with 100 runs to his name? A bowler.
What do you call an Australian who can hold a catch? A fisherman.

One can but tut at this gloating and move on.

On a completely different topic, the rabbit read an article today about Sandy Denny and was put in mind of her exquisite song Who Knows Where The Time Goes? Amazingly, she wrote this song aged 20. She died of a brain haemorrhage after falling down stairs aged 31 in 1978. Here is the original demo of this song from Sandy Denny/Fairport Convention.

Good God...

With Hat Tip to Laci the Dog, here is something from the Thames Water sewermen... This is either late for Christmas or early for Mental Health Week or somesuch....

The time poor rabbit is hopping off leaving the above in his wake. Oh and with Hat Tip to Earl, try this for size too...

Sprinkler Dance...

Does sport get any better than this? Nope! Do I have the slightest sympathy for the Australians? Nope. I thought it was the Poms who were supposed to do the whinging but the Australians - team and public - went down gracelessly and - erm - whinging.

And here is a 2011 factoid with Hat Tip to Charon QC: 2011 is a prime number/sum of 11 consecutive primes ...

2011=157+163+167+173+179+181+191+193+197+199+211

Informative here, you have to admit.

An Ideal Husband and other stuff...

The rabbit is coming up for air briefly after seasonal stuff. The seasonal stuff included a first ever visit to the Vaudeville Theatre to see Oscar Wilde's An Ideal Husband. The rabbit and his companions got box seats at day ticket prices of £10, which induced smugness all round as we waved graciously to the common herd down in the stalls from our box seats. An Ideal Husband isn't Oscar's best play - The Importance of Being Earnest is perfection - delicious zingy one liner after delicious zingy one liner - and perfection by definition cannot be improved on. But An Ideal Husband is pretty good. Follow the Oscar gems on the clip above.

OSCAR WILDE ROCKS!

The rabbit also caught Love and Other Drugs - this was not and would not have been the rabbit's choice - asort of romcom cum weepie but the rabbit was generally entertained and found Anne Hathaway most pleasing to the eye. It also has a rather good soundtrack, including a rabbit favourite - Fatboy Slim's Praise You.Like sooooo.....

Lengthier postings to follow soon. Australian readers will notice that the rabbit - with commendable forbearance - hasn't even mentioned The Ashes. This is a gloating-free zone!

Ha! Ha! Ha! Hee! Hee! Hee!