The long drugs importation case has concluded (let's just say we came second) and normal rabbiting on will now be resumed. But first, I must have a word with my friend Christine O'Donnell. It's always nice to hear from Christine and she writes regularly - which is sweet - though she always seems hard up as she invariably ends up asking for money. Having said this, she naughtily seems to have passed on my e-mail address to her friends in the Tea Party.
Christine's Tea Party friends have been filling the rabbit's inbox of late with the most unutterable balls. Okay, they utter it but it's still balls. They don't seem to understand the word 'unsubscribe' despite implorings from the rabbit using this word. Usually the Tea Party e-mails are along the lines of 'I am Hiram J Whackjob and I'm running in the Republican primary in Nosepick. Idaho against Deirdre M Toadthrottler, the most liberal Republican in the known universe. Blah. Drone'. Nobody in the Tea Party can have any money as they always end up asking for money too.
Anyway, an odd message arrived from the Tea Party the other day. It is headed '37 Things You Should Hoard...' and is from someone the rabbit has not met named Damian Campbell. I assume that he is another member of Christine's startlingly wide social circle.
It starts Dear Fellow Patriot (I assume there is no point in telling them I'm not even American let alone a fellow patriot),
This will be short and to the point (You need to read this message and I want to get you this information as fast as possible).
Very thoughtful I'm sure.
FEMA has ordered 420 million survival meals.
Not being American (see above) I had to google to discover that FEMA stands for Federal Emergency Management Agency.
Why would they need a 7000% increase of survival meals?
Good question, Damian. I wonder if he is related to the Damian in The Omen by the way.
Warming to his theme, Damian continues...
Disasters have been pummeling the world over the past couple of months. Maybe it’s the X-class solar flare that knocked out all of China’s communication back in February (“X” is NASA’s highest solar flare classification).
Or the reality that our fragile food supply chain could be knocked by just the threat of a disaster (even if it was just a false alarm)…
Whatever the reason, it’s about time the Government woke up and started paying attention!
As your fellow American, I’m hoping you won’t put your faith in a system that is bound to fail, but that’s your choice.
Really there are 37 critical items that you can buy from the grocery store that can be the difference between life and death:
So here is the life and death stuff from Damian. I confess I've absolutely no idea what he's blethering on about but am quite sure there's an explanation. Think of the above as a rabbit public service announcement.
I did promise some more cricket rabbit pics and here is one from the first England v West Indies 20/20 floodlit game at the Oval. A rabbit complaint: his ticket cost £60 ($91 - American persons). Okay the ground was pretty much full so the English Cricket Board would no doubt say that the market can bear those prices but they are hardly likely to attract first time spectators at that sort of price. oh and the food and drink was a rip off. The rabbit had a Caribbean burger (sic) at £6 ($9.10) which although not bad was about the size of a button and shared some potato wedges at £3 ($4.70). Not to mention 2 pints of beer at £6.80 ($10.67). What it is to be a captive market...
And finally and just because it came to mind, here is the original Long Black Veil by Lefty Frizzell (great name by the way). A cautionary tale...
And finally finally and with Hat Tip to Charon QC, here is his take on the great global non-functioning Blackberry disaster.
5 comments:
Well thank God his name isn't Malachi - I can't handle that kid.
Welcome back, Rabbit!
ah yes bunnyface, but the smart leporine takes food and drink to the cricket. and if they are also a bit of an arse, they assault fielders near the boundary with corks from the champagne. the ticket prices remain on the ridiculous side of stupid, but you can economise with a few good bottles of wine or cold beers.
Glad you are back!
Campbell wrote a book about surviving disasters and supply shortages that occur afterward. I'm certain he would warn you that $9.10 hamburges and $4.70 potatoes might seem inexpensive if there were a food shortage. His message is don't count on the government for help after any disaster and please buy his book. :D
You need to write another novel with subject of American politics and the tea party movement starring your poverty-stricken Dickens-like characters. "Hiram J Whackjob has asked for more!"
Sybil/JoJo - Thankies to both and good to see you as always.
SW - Of course you are right that it's best to bring your own food but it was a work day and I didn't. As regards drink, it varies from ground to ground but the Oval searches you for (alcoholic) drink and won't let it in if found thus obliging you to buy their overpriced stuff if in need of alcoholic refreshment (which the rabbit was).
Catchy - Damian is a wag, isn't he? So it's straight down the cellar with the tinned tuna for me. Oh dear, I don't have a cellar. Back to the drawing board...
I'm thining about a Tea Party related comic novel. Hmmm...
I wrote 20 thousand words of a comic novel a couple of years ago but put it on the back burner. It was called 'The Nether Wallop Chronicles' - Nether Wallop really exists, it's a village in Hampshire and I chose the title as Nether Wallop is a really silly name. In fact part of the fun in writing it was making up really silly names for the characters: Preciousangel McLoon for the local problem teen, Kenzie McWasteman III for her mother's partner, Lance Divot for the narrator and the Reverend Dawkins for the Vicar of Nether Wallop. I'll go back to it one day...
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