Monday, 14 June 2010

Dirty boy! Dirty girl!


Hat Tip to jailhouselawyer for this excursion to the wilder shores of Planet Bizarre. The above young person is named Nguarh Alit. He is 18 and is from Bali. He was recently caught naked and - erm - positioned behind a cow. Somewhat curiously, he admitted having been - double erm - slipping the cow a length but claimed that he had misapprehended that the cow was a young and beautiful woman who had seduced him with flattering comments.

There is of course a lot of that sort of thing about.

So as to cleanse the village from this unpleasantness, it was necessary for Alit to 'marry' the cow.

As one does.

No doubt overcome by the emotion of the occasion, our hero passed out during the - treble erm - wedding ceremony and it is not clear whether he actually got to say 'I do'. Part of the ceremony involved drowning the new Mrs Alit - which will teach it to go around pretending to be a young and beautiful woman and seducing young and impressionable humans.

Albeit subject to a lot of rabbit editorialising - all of the above is true.

A few random musings from the rabbit:

The World Cup - Whisper it not but a lot of it is pretty boring - negative one paced games between teams paranoid about losing. Emile Heskey is a donkey. It's all very well going on about how he only scores a goal every other century but he creates a lot of opportunities for his strike partners by his physical presence. England scored one goal on Saturday, and that by a midfielder in the fourth minute and unconnected with anything Heskey was doing at the time. How many fewer would England have scored had Emile Donkey not been so busy with the other lot's defenders?

Least interesting headline of the day: Sarah Brown is to write an 'intimate' portrayal of life at No 10. Can't wait. Honest.

Something Jeanette Winterson said I totally agree with: 'I like individuality, eccentricity, self-determination. The things the free market is supposed to deliver and never does'. Very true that.

Stella Duffy has written a fictionalised account of the life of the Roman Empress Theodora drawing heavily on the Historia Arcana of Procopius. The narrative is of the later-to-be Empress as a child prostitute and general erotomaniac. One 'quote' that caught the rabbit's eye was that she regretted that God had only provided her with three orifices for pleasure! Dirty Girl! Just how many do - okay did - you want? Theodora, who is apparently a saint of the Syrian Orthodox church has her defenders springing up in indignant rebuttal. The debate hots up. Here is a pic of our heroine.


16 comments:

stelladuffy said...

yes, it's true there is a hot debate - albeit on the Guardian website only! What's not true is that I drew heavily on Procopius's accounts. What the commentators have failed to acknowledge is that the Procopius was one of (checks book shelf, counts 'em) 20+ historians/academics/storytellers I drew on. It's just the one that they've chosen to get het up about. Personally I found the Procopius so misogynist and sexist I could barely read it. Still, I suppose it's asking too much to suggest people actually read the book before deciding whether or not to fume?

The Dental Maven said...

The oppression of women is clearly a pan-species phenomenon. Poor Mrs. Alit.

white rabbit said...

Stella - A comment by the author! Cool! Sorry about the 'heavily'. No doubt more of this anon..

Maven - Poor Mrs Alit in-deeeeeed!

jailhouselawyer said...

I feel sorry for all those men who also feel that they married an old cow...

stelladuffy said...

oh yes, I'm sure I'm in for much more of it. friends who've written v successful historical fiction did warn me I'd have to look out for flailing academics, I suspect I should be glad to be in good company!

JoJo said...

Well, maybe Alit is from Washington. After all, we seem to have a very high rate of bestiality in this state.

As for the World Cup: What a snoozefest. I just cannot get into soccer, I mean 'futbol'. And if I never hear another vuvuzela again it'll be too soon.

simply wondered said...

well i reckon you have just made stella at least one sale.

a - it sounds fascinating (odd buggers them byzantines and you gotta love the names: most of them called theo something or boris the bogomil);
b - i shall either like it or have a gratuitous chance to get exceptionally indignant about something, although i am not sure what. that has to be worth the price of a copy in itself.
is it available in paperback yet stella? (seriously i do hope those great defenders of feminist thought, male academia, don't get on your nerves too much! they make slightly less sense than one would get from a venezuela (or whatever them horn things are called).

isn't it nice to have a REAL author on here rabbit?! you can hit me very hard if ever we meet for a drink.

Catch Her in the Wry said...

No worse than some women who are willing to marry white rabbits.
*********

Most women I know have at least 7 orifices. God was indeed unkind to Theodora. The ears can be very pleasurable spots, the nostrils, not so much.

BryannaR22369 said...

The more haste, the less speed. ............................................................

Daniel Hoffmann-Gill said...

Emile Heskey is a legend, leave him alone you bastard!

white rabbit said...

JHL - Tsk!

Stella - Quite so. There are a lot of people who should get out more sitting around fact checking fiction. I once had a communication following my modest published oeuvre going on about something I didn't quite follow about how boats would drift in relation to each other subject to currents etc drone drone.

JoJo - Is Washington twinned with Northamptonshire? The best sentencing remarks I ever heard: 'The horses of Northamptonshire mneed protection from you'

SW - You are to present yourself for an ear boxing next time I am in the Citie of Yorke.

Catchy - I don't think our heroine counted earholes and nostrils. Ermmmmm.... At least???? Oh never mind ;)

DHG - No he's not. He's a donkey. End of...

white rabbit said...

Oh and by the way, I ran some Chinese text from 'Bryanna' through an online translator. It came up with...

'Inspect my integrity synopsis'

Ermmmmm....

Quite so. Perhaps this is a euphemism for the famous missing eighth orifice.

Catch Her in the Wry said...

By the way, some people consider the eyes and naval as bodily orifices, i.e. "sticking it in the eye."


wv: glance (ha!)

white rabbit said...

Catchy - You are a constant delight. I'd thought about the navel too - not deep enough really. The navel I mean, not the thought. I lie down now...

JoJo said...

Or as we say, "Washington State: Where men are men and animals are scared..."

Jessica Harper said...

Hehe
This blog post made me chuckle a little!
Don't know if it was supposed to mind :-s
Hope your doing just fine White Rabbit!